grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
