What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dignity is for republicans.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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