I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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