God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
