He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm getting married
To pizza
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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