I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
