I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
