if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
thus making me awesome and them whores
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
