I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
