Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
