I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
