I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
