one two three fourrrrnication!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
