At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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