OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
