DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
