I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
