i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
