She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
