Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
