is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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