So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
