sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
