I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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