Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
