I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
