I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
