so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
