All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
