If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
