Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
