I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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