Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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