She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
