o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
