i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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