I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
