I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
