So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
