Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This show inspires me to have sex in space
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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