His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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