you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
