i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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