Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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