What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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