So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
