He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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