no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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