Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
