I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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