i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
