I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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