I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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