I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
