So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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