im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
