She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no. you can't hotbox the world.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
