Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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