the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
