Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
