You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
