So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize