Dual....:-)
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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