Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
