Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we're making bets on your personal life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
