I seem to have left my pride at pride
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
