I feel great
I just peed on a car
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
