Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
