THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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