I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
