apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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