His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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