Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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