I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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