I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize