you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
